The Insane Gardener (Garden 2014 #1)

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – Albert Einstein

I have a dilemma. I am a mass accidental homicide committer who loves my victims dearly, and I have no intention of stopping. It’s seldom my deliberate actions or inactions that cause these deaths. Some people just have really, really REALLY black thumbs.

I try. Hard. I water and weed. Okay, I rarely fertilize but let’s be realistic – who does? Heck, I had to hire a lawn company to deal with my grass this year because in the last three years, I’ve managed to kill most of it. I try, people.

In related news, my garden is not doing well. Two autumns ago, I made some changes to my backyard and ended up with two gardens. One is under an apple tree; the other is over the site of where a pond used to be. Both of these spots have problems.

The pond site looks like a good garden, but under the six inch layer of topsoil are all the rocks that lined the pond. It’s a good thing I didn’t try to plant carrots or potatoes. The tomatoes and pepper plants are doing well; the beans have come up too. Unfortunately, it seems like I need to have some foundation work done. Guess where the dug-out ground is going to have to go. I wonder if the tomatoes and peppers will survive a transplant at this point.

Then there is the apple tree garden. It’s under the tree, therefore pretty shaded. It’s got lots of nice, rich earth though. Prior to being a garden, it’s where the wood pile was, so there is plenty of compost. The shade is the problem. I planted four rows of seeds and, as of two days ago, there was nothing. Not one sprout. Yesterday, however, the beans started coming up. Thank goodness (since the other ones will likely be destroyed during the work on the foundation.) There’s not a hint of the watermelon, squash or zucchini coming up though. For heaven’s sake, who can’t grow zucchini? Besides me, apparently.

My herb garden is doing well. It looks like my oregano, chives and parsley survived the winter after all. Don’t be impressed – that is three out of the eight plants I brought into the house.

It’s been raining for a week, so it’s not like I’m forgetting to water them. But we are only in mid-June and I have more than three months left to go for keeping them all alive. I’m not even considering the fact that they are actually expected to produce veggies. My pepper plants certainly never have.

So this is my first garden report. Aside from the seeds, my murderous streak seems to have gone dormant for a while. Let’s see how long I can keep it that way.

2 thoughts on “The Insane Gardener (Garden 2014 #1)

  1. Holli

    It’s not your fault–it’s the shade! Vegetables need lots and lots of sun in order to grow. You may get them coming up in a shady spot, but they’ll be slow and stunted.

    As for the tomato and pepper plants, they should survive being moved, as long as it’s not to a shady area. I gave up on peppers because our growing season isn’t long enough, unless you try mini ones or the hot ones, which grow a lot faster.

    And the grass isn’t just you. Everyone’s grass took a beating last winter. Not sure why. Too cold, maybe?

    1. Elle Post author

      This might be my last year trying peppers. They never get to the vegetable-bearing point. Of to Canadian Tire for pots today, I think.

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