I took high school biology. I studied this. I remember about chlorophyll and photosynthesis and converting CO2 into O2. But, when you water a plant that is drooping, here’s what I think really happens…
Top Leaf #1 – Hey, Top Leaf #2, I’m so dehydrated I think I might be hallucinating. Was that a drop of water?
Top Leaf #2 – Hold on, let me confirm.
Top Leaf #2 – Yep, that was definitely water. So the human finally remembered we existed, huh?
Top Leaf #1 – Attention, Plant Brain! Attention, Plant Brain! We are being watered!
Plant Brain – Are you sure it’s not a bird?
Top Leaf #3 – Not a bird. Incoming water confirmed.
Top Leaf #1 – Oh, that was a big drop, a few more like that and I’ll have all this dust washed off.
Top Leaf # 2 – You are so vain, all “look at me.” You’re nearly as bad as those damn blossoms.
Top Leaf #1 – Don’t get mad at me. It’s not my fault a caterpillar tried to eat you and left you all chewed up.
Plant Brain – Cut it out, Leaves, and keep the reports coming. All roots, prepare for water intake.
Root #1 – We’ve got nothing, Plant Brain.
Plant Brain – Wait for it, Root #1.
Root #1 – Holy cow, we have water, Plant Brain. Drinking commencing.
Root #2 – Me, too.
Root #3/new shoot – Excuse me, Root #2, what is this stuff?
Root #2 – It’s water, kid. Drink up.
Plant Brain – Root squad, we are waiting for water up here. Confirm intake has started.
Root #1 – Damn it, Plant Brain, we’re roots, not garden hoses. We’re sucking it up as fast as we can!
Plant Brain – What did we say about classic Star Trek episodes again?
Root #1 – The human doesn’t talk to us like the books recommend but she does put on the television and leave the window open so we can hear it. She likes sci-fi.
Plant Brain – Forget the sci-fi, where’s the water, Root #1? We’ve got some droopy and dangerously dry foliage up top.
Root #1 – We’re doing as much intake as we can but the water is being absorbed by the vein walls before it can get to the extremities.
Top Leaf #3 – Plant Brain, the water seems to have stopped.
Plant Brain – No, the human can’t stop yet. That wasn’t enough!
Root #2 – We still have water in the soil. We’ll pull as much of it as we can. Maybe we can get some of it to one of the buds.
Top Leaf #3 – Hold on, Plant Brain. Yep, it’s starting again.
Plant Brain – Hear that, roots?
Root #3 – I’m running dry, Root #1. Oh, here comes a new source.
Root #1 – Great, kid! Don’t get cocky.
Plant Brain – Root #1, we’ll be talking later.
Root #1 – Sorry, boss.
Branch #1 – Plant Brain, I’m feeling something.
Branch #2 – Me, too.
Plant Brain – Take what you need and pass the rest on down the line. Good work, Root squad, keep it up.
Bottom Leaves #1-8 – Okay, we are now off of deadhead watch. This will do us for days.
Bottom Leaf #9 – Hurray, I like being perky!
Bottom Leaves #1-8 (in unison) – Shut up, #9!
Plant Brain – Keep passing it down the line.
Blossom #1 – It’s coming! It’s coming! Water! Oh, wow, this is fabulous! It’s better than being bumble bee-d.
Plant Brain – We don’t need to hear that, Blossom #1.
Blossom #2 – This will be enough to get us all into full bloom, Plant Brain. Thanks for the re-supply.
Full Bloom #1 – I’ll be able to hang around for a couple more days with this intake.
Blossom #2 – It’ll be good to see you. You’ve been an inspiration to all of us.
Plant Brain – Hold onto your petals for as long as you can, Full Bloom #1.
Full Bloom #1 – That’s the name of the flower game, boss.
Top Leaf #1 – It’s stopping, Plant Brain.
Top Leaf #2 – Confirmed. There is no more water falling on us.
Plant Brain – Root squad, report.
Root #1 – We’re okay, boss. All cells are fully hydrated. I used backchannels to talk to the top leaves and even they got full water intakes.
Root #3 – I have a little puddle thing surrounding me. Is that good?
Root #2 – Real good, kid. Draw on it as you need to for as long as it lasts.
Top Leaf #1 – That felt good. And I’m all shiny again. Bonus!
Top Leaf #2 – I hope the human fertilizes us with bull manure and she gets it all over you.
Plant Brain – Attention all leaves, branches, blossoms and blooms. Next time the wind blows, everybody wave at the human to thank her for watering us.
Bottom Leaf #9 – I’m going to wave now.
Top Leaf #1 – I’m just going to twist a little so I can dry off in the sun.
Top Leaf #2 – There’s no wind. I’m telling!
Plant Brain – Dammit, I wish I were a cactus.